Mea Culpa

What day is it?

It must be evening as I’ve awakened again.  The thirst hot in my gut and wracking my body.  My waifer edges it back but its not going to be much longer.  The black will take me and I will be gone.  For, I am no longer under the illusion that God will take me to his side.

I’ve done too much harm for that.

Don’t cry man.  Get it together.  Use the light it left you and don’t waste vitae on tears.  Because the Clan needs to know what has happened.

OK…..

Deus Sit Gloria Laus.

The tale is common now in the Clan.  How my mistakes led to the creature Mara coming into me.  How I leapt into a summoning circle to save a child and damned thousands more.  Including…

Keep it together…please God….let me finish this.

Including my love…

My Alexandria.

From there it was mistake upon mistake.  Travelling to Edinburgh to seek the Archons help.  Bonding with the demon to prevent my death.  Letting Eden spread its influence so fancifully.  Trying to use it for good.

Following the laws of the Order.

I was so stupid.

Arthur warned me.  Demons are deceit and lies spawned by the Prince of Lies himself.  They prey on the arrogance and pride of foolish men and in me, it found something it could feed and manipulate.  Making me think I could save it.

Making me think I could stop it.

And I tried in my arrogance.  Made deals with the Fae to alter his story of becoming.  Sent him home I thought so that Gwendolyns grandaughters could be safe to be in love.  Because I couldn’t stand by and see love die again.  I just couldn’t.

What a fool I was to think I could stop it.  

All I did was move it.

So here I lie trapped in the caves below Ceoris.  Stripped of the man I loved like my own father. 

Able to write my warning to the world.

Fear Mara.

Oh Doctor.

I guess I was a cousin after all…